Expanding Our Sense of Family
When our youngest son Denny was a day student at Principia during eighth and ninth grade, he truly enjoyed his time in school. We saw him participate in band, chorus, and team sports. We saw progress in his academics, and he made good friends. He loved attending Prin.
But after two years as a day student, he found life off campus a bit lonely. Homework and afterschool activities kept him relatively busy, but the social scene outside of school did not seem to click for him.
Denny's mom and I often talked about what it would be like if he lived in the dorm. We asked ourselves if he was ready to take on challenges like managing his time, eating properly, sleeping enough, and keeping up with schoolwork. In other words, would he succeed without his parents?
I think we even questioned whether we could live without him! I often hear parents say, "I'm not ready to let my son or daughter go away to boarding school." I have compassion. Time passes so quickly; it feels like we have so little time with our children before they head off on their own.
Fortunately, two years earlier we had learned a helpful lesson with Denny's older brother, Cody. The summer prior to his junior year, Cody realized that he wanted to attend Principia Upper School and live in the dorm. What we saw unfold was God's love for him. We understood that it was OK to let him go. As a result, we saw his life turn from black and white to vivid color, and he flourished. Any sense of loss that his mom and I felt was quickly replaced with gratitude. It was clear that dorm life was central to Cody's success at the Upper School.
We realized that a fear of failure shouldn't influence the decision on whether or not Denny lived in the dorm. The decision needed to be based on the anticipation of success. How would Denny be blessed by living in the dorm? How many great new friends would he meet? What life skills would he develop? How much more confident would Denny become? How would he develop as a Christian Scientist? How much happier would he be in an atmosphere that honored his innocence and recognized his true manhood?
The bottom line is that Denny is not our possession. He is a spiritual idea. Divine Mind is his Father-Mother. The events and ideas that comprise his individuality are unique to him, designed just for him by his Father-Mother God. Denny's happiness, completeness, and purpose aren't dependent on his physical proximity to mom and dad. As parents, our hearts cannot be broken by letting go of a limited sense of Denny's relationship with his Father-Mother Love.
This was Denny's demonstration. Family is spiritual, a divine idea. Therefore, his mom and I knew that we couldn't be left alone without our youngest son. His blessings would bless us. We humbly went through the process to admit him to the dorm, and it was cause for celebration the day we read the letter confirming his place in the dorm.
It's hard to believe that Denny has now been in the dorm two years. He loves it there. It's his second home; his friendships have deepened; he's experiencing a wonderful sense of brotherhood; and his understanding of manhood is unfolding into a fuller expression of Life, Truth, and Love. Denny is experiencing a Christian Science way of life. He has had opportunities for leadership and he's more confident. He's taking his academic success more seriously. He's learning life lessons. And at the end of each day, he's happy he gets to have a sleepover with his best friends! Who could ask for more?
Our sons saw something they needed at the Upper School and the Boys' Dorm, and our understanding of family expanded to include Principia without any sense of loss. We are grateful, daily, for the good we've experienced as a result.